I Just Wanted To Say
by AmethystDelphini
Summary: The last thoughts of the careers in the form of letters to those they cared most about. Follows my other story, The Thing They Call Love. T for death and mild language.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games.**

* * *

Hey, Tiff. Just writing because, well, I'm dying. I know, right? After all the joking we did about it, it's actually happening. It's not clean either. That fire girl dropped tracker jackers on us. Right on me. And now I'm running, swatting at them, but I'll never make it. And I'm ugly, Tiff. Can you believe it? I suppose you've finally won that debate. Whatever, it's not that important. I just wanted to say bye.

The truth is, I have no idea what happens to me after this. I might go to hell. Or maybe heaven; I just killed one person after all. And I'm sorry if I acted so aloof sometimes, calling myself future victor. Shows how much I knew. I just wanted to say, I still remember those times before, when we'd run around the district getting free candy from that guy by the diamond mine cause we were so adorable. Or giggling while we tried on my mom's jewelry, and then she'd tell us we looked just like little princesses. I was happy, happier than after that, happier than now.

Tell Carter he was the one I really liked. Not that I did. What an asshole. But guys like that. In other news, Tiff, I finally met the one guy I couldn't seduce. His name's Cato, from district two. He'll win. But yeah, Carter would just love to know that the girl who claimed she didn't care really did all along. That my last thought was of him. No, it wasn't. It was of you. Tell Ben too. He was actually decent, though ugly as hell. Screw it, tell them all. I know you're a good actress, like me. Maybe you can even hook up with one in your shared grief.

Keep killing it,

Glimmer

* * *

**So yeah, that was Glimmer. In case you couldn't tell, it was supposed to be to her best friend in district one. This was sort of hard to write, because in all honesty I don' t really like Glimmer that much, but I tried to make her semi-relatable. Hope you enjoyed!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games.**

* * *

I don't blame you for running. It never would have worked out. Two different districts, different strategies, different lives. One victor. And I probably wouldn't have made it anyway. You were right to run. To be honest, I probably would have left you behind as well. It's just a shame it had to be so soon.

I just want to thank you, for how hard you tried to include me. But let's face it - I was always the outcast. The fifth wheel. The guys and girls from one and two, and then just me, ever since Adrian died. There's no point trying to explain. I don't have to. Glimmer's dying too. I saw her fall. Now it's just you and Cato and Clove, and they won't hesitate to throw you out.

Really, though, the odds weren't in either of our favor. Just don't blame yourself, okay? For what we did have, which wasn't much, you couldn't have been better. So thank you for that. And if I had to give you one more piece of advice, it would be this: get out as soon as you can. Cato and Clove will kill you. And try to win. I don't blame you if you can't. But just try.

With strong affection (Is that even a thing?),

Nixie

* * *

**Here is Nixie to Marvel. I know I didn't go that much into detail of their relationship (or lack there of), but I did picture them as having something that Cato didn't really notice. Sadly, the original draft of this got deleted from my computer, so I had to redo it. I tried to recreate it as best I could. Hope you enjoyed!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games.**

* * *

It's over. No more pretending now. I wasn't meant to be the victor, and I can stop kidding myself. Stop trying to be more of a career than I am. And once you were gone, I just figured there wasn't much point anymore.

Those tracker jacker stings - I can barely imagine what you went through. It was awful enough for me, seeing all the people I've ever known dying, even you. It was bad, really bad. I must have got the worst of it, too, because I was the last to wake up. Cato and Clove made it, just so you know. Not Glimmer. She never meant that much to be, not like you, but still. Cato and Clove are inseparable, and if I hadn't got out he would have killed me himself. But I don't know. An arrow to the neck or a broken neck? Neither is awful, both quick and easy.

The one thing I do regret a little is how it happened. Do you remember that little girl, Rue? I caught her in one of my traps and, before I could think better of it, threw my spear into her stomach. But Fire Girl was faster than I thought. I wanted to kill her, Nixie. I did. More than I ever wanted to hurt Rue. She, if anyone, is a kill I could regret. And you were right about her weapon. It is a bow. And now there's an arrow sticking out of my neck, which will in seconds be the death of me.

I just wish I could have a beautiful death, you know? Rue's lying in my trap right now, in Fire Girl's arms, and she's singing. About some meadow, and the place where I love you. That made me think of you. I don't know if I can call it love. We didn't have enough time for that. And I realize I never actually kissed you or anything. But nobody loves me, not like that. Not like Fire Girl loves Rue. And it makes me sad, to die the bad guy. I really think, if it weren't for the games, half the kids I killed would have been my friends. But it's okay. Dying's the easy way out. Call me a coward, but I'd rather not have to live with that guilt.

See you soon,

Marvel

* * *

**Marvel to Nixie, this time with a bit more expansion on what exactly went on between them in the arena. Next chapter is Clove - my favorite. Hope you enjoyed!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games.**

* * *

Cato, please stop. You're holding my hand. You're crying. You're telling me I'm going to live, to stay with you. But it's useless, and you know that. I'm not worth this. Go and kill Thresh, win the games, move on. Don't bother crying for me.

It's ironic, isn't it? Who would have thought when I found the one person who could make my life worth living, it would be in a fight to the death? I've never let anyone in before, not for years, but it was... amazing. You, everything about you just made me feel so great. It's not really a kissing thing, though you are great at that. I just... got the feeling you cared. And now I know it, because you've never let your mask slip even only in front of me, and now you're shattered. I can feel it. We're both breaking. What we had was like glass. Beautiful, but fragile, doomed to splinter into a million pieces and destroy my life and your heart along with it. And that rock was all it needed to break. It's like neither of us was quite whole before. Maybe you were close, but not quite. You didn't have anyone you cared about that much. And I was just alone.

I should admit something. I lied to you. Not really, I guess. I told you my mother works in the quarries, and my father is living in district eight, and I told you about how Jules died. But I didn't tell you that the scar on my stomach isn't from training. My mother gave it to me. And I didn't say that my father didn't have to leave. After Jules died, he left in the dead of night, leaving me completely alone. And you never knew that Jules' death didn't hit me so hard because of the whole cannibalism thing. That was bad, but it wasn't all of it. He was my only real family. The only person who ever really cared about me.

That all changed with you. I don't know how much of it was just me being desperate and thinking you cared more than you did, and how much was really you feeling the same way. But you did care, I can tell. You wouldn't risk losing so many sponsors by crying if you didn't have to. So don't, please. I can't make it. You have to know that.

Just remember what I told you. Win for me. You're sad now, but you'll get over it. You'll win the games, and find some pretty little blonde girl, and fall in love, and I'll watch you from the fiery depths of hell and be happy with it. That's a lie. I won't be happy. I can't be happy, if you're not with me. But you shouldn't let a dead girl ruin your life.

I guess I just want to tell you how much you meant to me. Even if the feeling wasn't mutual, it was amazing to feel so wanted, if only for a few days. And believe me, I don't want to go. I wish more than anything I could stay. But I don't have that choice. Whatever. At least I'll be seeing Jules soon.

And one more thing. I didn't get to finish what I wanted to say. I didn't plan on telling you this, but it's too late now anyway. I just... I love you, okay? I love you.

Clove

* * *

**So, that was Clove. The saddest, and probably best of all of these. I didn't do much explaining of her back story, which was sort of intentional to keep her in character, but this has mentions of it. But yeah, long story short she has a super tragic past. Hope you enjoyed!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games.**

* * *

I tried. I made it this far, didn't I? I almost won, like you wanted me to. I tried to win. Thresh died, slowly and painfully, like you would have wanted. He was a masterpiece, Clove. I hope you saw. Your name in his body, so everyone knows why I killed him. It didn't help though. A boy with a name carved into his flesh is no replacement for you.

I tried to save you. When you called my name, my heart stopped. When you said it again, for the last time, it broke. And I begged you, didn't I? I gave up everything, and it didn't matter. It's like they used to say back in two - at the end of the day, strength and skill will always beat out emotion. As strong as my love for you was, it couldn't compete with a rock.

I tried to tell you. Yes, I did say love earlier. I loved you. I still do love you. It's not ordinary love either. I have never cared so deeply about another human in my life. Your pain became mine. The worst moment in the arena, aside from your death, was when you were passed out from the tracker jacker venom and I couldn't wake you up. I'd never felt so powerless as then. And I felt even more powerless watching hopelessly as your life slipped through my fingers. It was like trying to hold onto a dream. You would know better than anyone - it quickly dissolved into one huge nightmare. I tried, Clove. I never wanted to let you go.

At the same time, I almost envy you. There's no question about it. I would take death, even the most painful death, over this. And that's what I'm getting, isn't it? The most painful death possible. Mutts, that look like the tributes, that look like you. But I think I prefer that kind of pain. Losing you - it's eating me alive. Literally now, because I can see your eyes. In the mutt. You hate me. You have every reason to.

Love,

Cato

* * *

**Well, if you're reading my other story, you know that Cato isn't actually dead. But whatever. I'm still allowed to right this, right? Hope you enjoyed!**


End file.
